Vents from Elliott 🇺🇸

Since July 2026 · 2 vents · 0 hearts caught

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unacknowledged sneeze

I sneezed at work yesterday and the entire office went silent—like I'd just declared bankruptcy instead of expelled air. For three full seconds I stood there wondering if I should apologize, offer context, or simply cease existing. Finally someone said "bless you" in a tone usually reserved for delivering bad news. I've never felt more like a biological malfunction.

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mimicry mockery

I tried explaining to my friend why I was late, and he just repeated every sentence back to me in a higher voice. So I asked him if he understood, and he said "if he understood"—which I'm pretty sure means he's now legally trapped in that voice forever and I'm no longer responsible for his wellbeing.

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